A nor’easter has hit Boston— hard. It’s early March, and winds are gusting well over 50 miles per hour. About four inches of rain will fall during the three day storm. Yet on this raw, blustery Friday (March 2, 2018), Claire Vargas and Weijian Luo are happily ascending the steps of Cambridge City Hall, where they have chosen to elope. They don’t mind the freezing rain; Claire is wearing open toe sandals, Wei left without his raincoat. All the young couple can focus on is how in a little over 30 minutes, they will be Mr. and Mrs. Luo. And, after all, rain on your wedding day is meant to bring good luck. Imagine what a monstrous nor’easter will bring.
Claire and Weijian —Wei for short— Luo are a millennial couple. Claire, 23, is from a small town in Ohio, and Wei, 30, is from Shenzhen, China. They met in college, at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio, and became engaged in August of 2017 - during the middle of their move to Boston. Claire eagerly began wedding planning, yet somewhere along the way the couple decided to join ranks with many more millennial couples, ditching the wedding to simply elope. Their celebration of marriage is still set for May 26, 2018, except now they can relax.
Elopements were once considered a taboo: a rebellion against family or, perhaps, a rushed decision fueled by alcohol, unexpected pregnancies. Now, in 2018, the millennial generation has once again flipped the switch on traditional standards within society. Elopements have become a common practice for young couples like the Luo’s, due to factors such as cost, timeliness, and of course: the power of sharing through social media. But it may also have something to do with the far more relaxed attitude many millennials exude. So why, exactly, are elopements gaining popularity nowadays?
First, we must define the term elopement, and acknowledge how its meaning has evolved. To elope technically means to escape, and what one is escaping from (or to), is up to interpretation. A quick Google search for “elope” yields the result: “run away secretly in order to get married, especially without parental consent.” Yet Merriam-Webster’s website says, “Elope appears to have become shorthand for ‘small destination wedding,’ ‘wedding that is not financially insane,’ or ‘wedding that allows us to not invite all the people we would rather not invite.’ This certainly differs from the ‘disapproving parents and sudden questionable decisions’ sense of the word." Modern day elopements have become a way for couples to escape the stresses of planning a wedding, and celebrate their love in a more intimate way. Now, let us delve into the three main reasons millennials are eloping.
The Money
The choice to elope is largely in part due to how much a wedding can cost. “Weddings are too expensive. I think it’s criminal how expensive everything is,” said Mrs. Luo. In an annual study conducted by The Knot, a survey of 13,000 people married in 2017 determined the national average cost of a wedding to be over $33,000 (excluding the honeymoon). For New England weddings, this number pushes closer to an average of $50,000. Money is spent on the venue, food, decorations, and activities for guests. To contrast, the average cost for a marriage license and a ceremony held in a local City Hall is $200, covering the cost of the marriage license and the appointment for the ceremony. However, eloping does not mean you have to go to a courthouse or a drive-through in Las Vegas. Destination elopements have become increasingly popular, and play a role in the particular hype behind eloping. In an article from The New York Times, Brook Foster writes, “Many of today’s couples are planning their elopements more closely than ever, some plotting secret ceremonies several months in advance and spending $15,000 or more for their dream weddings — without a hundred of their closest family and friends.” This number is still far less than a traditional wedding, and allows for a couple to customize when and how they are married. “You can do what I did too, you can get a pretty dress, you can get flowers and a photographer. You can document it and have it be beautiful and the vision you want, just so scaled down,” said Mrs. Luo. Scaling back on typical wedding splurges also allows couples to save and splurge in other ways, whether it’s a longer honeymoon or their first house together.
The Ease
When asked what she believed the biggest positive to eloping is, Mrs. Luo simply said, “It really takes out all these stressful equations, and it’s just you and the person you want to marry— that’s it.” With less witnesses and little to no attention paid to details, a private elopement takes the pressure away. Mrs. Luo found wedding planning to be more stress than expected, saying, “You know, initially we were planning just a really small, intimate wedding [I thought] that it would be really simple. Like okay: flowers, food, venue, that I could do it myself. But there’s a lot more to it than that. Even if you have a smaller headcount, it’s still the same amount of work.”
In terms of intimacy, elopements allow for a more romantic and private moment between a couple. Due to their private nature, eloping can provide peace of mind to newlyweds who would otherwise feel uncomfortable in front of a large audience. “I loved the private aspect of the elopement. I felt like there was no pressure and I wasn't scared in any way of saying the wrong thing. It was so calm and organized… I also don’t care as much [about her May wedding] anymore, which is really freeing because I loved the fact that Wei and I had this intimate moment together. It just felt right, I loved it,” said Mrs. Luo. From a planning standpoint, by eloping couples can drop the stresses of spending, arranging guest lists, and aiming to make guests happy. “Couples wanting to elope don’t want the pressure of larger groups. They prefer to spend quality time with just themselves or a small, intimate ceremony with 10 or less people,” said Sam Green, a stylist for BHLDN Weddings.
Impatience in the Age of Oversharing
For couples who can’t bear to wait (and let’s face it, the millennial generation is impatient), eloping allows for married life to begin whenever they please. “Why elope? Because couples can do it on their terms and when they want. Versus having to save money to afford an event-style wedding, which would then put off the idea of getting hitched another 12-18 months as well,” said Kristin Spencer, an editorial wedding photographer. Social media and the millennial generation’s ultimate need to share has also given way to the rise in elopements. “They search for stunning exotic backdrops for their ceremonies, shop in secret for the perfect dress, hire florists to arrange a Pinterest-worthy bouquet, hire photographers, even order specialty cakes. But in lieu of the invitations, friends learn about the wedding afterward in a cheeky Facebook or Instagram post, a photo announcing, ‘We Eloped,’” writes Foster. Photographers who can capture a unique shot in a beautiful destination have the ability to trap mindless scrollers in search of the perfect post. “I truly think that Instagram and photography has played a huge role in that, and the fact that our generation is so eager to share things,” said Mrs. Luo. This eagerness to share is what pushes couples to do things on their own time, and not let anyone or anything get in their way. “I think most people just don’t want to deal with it. Like, invites and all these little surface details. Most people nowadays are not willing to do it… as a bride myself I have no time, it’s exhausting. It’s like, I just want to marry you,” said Mrs. Luo.
With elopements, there will always be the chance a couples decision will offend family members and friends. It can be hard for some to understand why they weren't warned or even invited, however with proper communication many couples can avoid these issues. Proper communication is key, whether it is before or after the elopement. “I was lucky, I had zero pushback in any way. I think though - well it was kind of a two part thing. One, everything was booked and deposits were paid for. Two, I do want to bring my friends and family into it. I still want to have that moment with them,” said Mrs. Luo. The Luo’s wedding in May will be the first time the couple exchanges personalized vows, and the rest will be a celebration of their love. If there are signs an elopement will offend people, be prepared with well-structured responses.
When asked if there was ever a time during planning she thought “screw it, let’s elope” Mrs. Luo said, “Yeah, that’s exactly why we did it! What had happened was I booked everyone, and I was just feeling so stressed out. What really initiated it was finding an officiant. I was like, I don't know who’s gonna marry us, I don't know how any of this works. And I was feeling really overwhelmed with all these decisions.” Finally they had enough, and Claire began her search for a toned-down version of her official wedding gown. A photographer friend was contacted to get the perfect shots (Claire herself is an Instagram fiend) and the bouquet was taken care of by her co-worker, who just so happens to be a floral designer. On Friday March 2, 2018, Claire and Wei were wed in an intimate ceremony. There was no fuss, no frills, only love and heavy rain.
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